For The People Struggling To Be Single

There was a time when I thought that there couldn't have been anything worse than me being dumped or being single. Little old me, out there on my own without a partner to lean on...how would I cope?! If I could give myself at that stage any advice from what I know now, it would be that you will be FINE. More than fine, you'll be thriving. 

If you're struggling to be single at the moment, have a look at the next few points I'm about to make to cheer yourself up. 

Use This Time To Learn About Yourself

You're a great person, and if you don't believe that then you're wrong. Sorry, but you're just wrong. A lot of single people don't believe this because they feel like if they were great, they'd have a partner who wanted to be with them. Please start realising that your own company is just as good as, if not better than, the company of someone else. It's okay to take yourself to the cinema or have a glass of wine in front of the telly on a Saturday evening. Treat yourself the way you'd want to be treated by someone else - you'll soon realise that you're more than capable of making yourself feel good. 

             

For God's Sake, Don't Chase Anyone

I really mean this one!!! If they have to be chased, then they're not interested in you and are not worth the attention you're giving them. Maya Angelou said "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time". If someone is not making the effort with you and has shown you that they're not interested, leaving you pining after them and constantly seeking answers - shrug your shoulders and GET RID. 

Only put in the time for people who are putting in the time for you. If they aren't, move forward and please stop wasting your time. 

There Are Good People Out There

I find it difficult to remember this sometimes, but then I remember that I'm a catch and I'm not taken, so there must be others out there just like me. If you're single and available, and you know how much you're worth then clearly not all the good ones are taken because you're still single. Take my advice and get out of your own head. There are plenty of people out there waiting to give you exactly what you need.

Music Is More Important Than You Realise

I listen to music whenever I have a free moment. If there's a part of the day where nobody is talking to me and I don't need to be doing anything, I'm most definitely listening to music. My advice to you would be to create a playlist full of songs that make you feel good about yourself and reminds you of your self worth, because it's definitely easy to forget how amazing you are.

My playlist is full of songs that make me smile, and it never fails to put me in a good mood - I'm listening to it whilst I write this with a massive smile on my face because I know I'm a bad bitch, and you should too. 

Love Yourself The Way You Want To Be Loved By Your Partner

And yes, I do mean sexually as well. Masturbation is something that isn't talked about enough, and I don't understand why it's such a taboo subject. You deserve to make yourself feel good, and you're totally capable of it. Explore yourself and work out what you like - there's no harm in experimenting with yourself.

If you have a day where you're feeling down about yourself and you're thinking nasty thoughts, stop for a second and ask yourself if you'd put up with it if your partner was saying these things to you. As a self respecting woman, I can tell you that I don't put up with anything that makes me feel less than what I know I'm worth. If you want a healthy relationship with someone else, you need to start by having a healthy relationship with yourself first.

Focus On What You Have, Instead Of What You Don't

This comes from 'The Law Of Attraction'. If you're not familiar with it, I'd definitely urge you to read into it. A basic description of it is that what you think, you'll attract. When it comes to being single, if you think negative thoughts about the situation you're in, then you're putting out negative vibrations and people will be able to feel that.

Try focusing on your wonderful friends, your job, hobbies you love and anything else that brings joy into your life. When you think positively you attract positive energy, and that's exactly what you need right now.

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Cropped Sweater || PrettyLittleThing

Leggings || ASOS

Trainers || Koi Footwear
Wireless Headphones || Kreafunk

Five Things I've Learnt About Myself Recently

The past few months have proven to be huge opportunities for me to re-discover myself and understand the person I am now. I've gone from never thinking about myself or my needs to thinking about what I want before anything else - I've noticed that sometimes, it's okay to be selfish. 

In celebration of the me I'm becoming, I thought I'd share five things I've learnt about myself recently, in the hopes that you can find a part of yourself there too. 

Being Single Is Bloody Difficult, But I Love It

I've been single for about 6 months now, and it is NOTHING like I thought it would be. The last time I was single, I was 16 years old and just about to leave secondary school for college. I was young, definitely not 'grown' and knew nothing about love or what it entailed. Now I'm 20, and it honestly feels like I've been thrown into this whole new world of dating apps and social media. Who knew that talking to someone could be so stressful when you add Instagram stories and likes into the equation?

My experience of being single so far has been interesting and eventful, to say the least. However, what I am enjoying is learning about how I react to situations I wouldn't have been privy to if I'd stayed in my previous relationship.  I'm learning that it's okay to be alone, and that you don't need a partner to feel whole. The word 'single' in itself means 'whole', and it's taken me a while to realise that.

I Can Love From Afar

Being in your 20's and in recovery, it's sort of inevitable that relationships that you used to have may no longer serve you or make you feel the same way they did before. This is something I've experienced time and time again; it's sad, it's difficult, but it's so important to listen to what you need to do. 

With some people, you cut off from them completely. You unfollow them, block them, and hope for your own sake that you'll never see them again. For others, you still want to love them - and contrary to many other people's beliefs, I think that's okay. I've made peace with the endings of relationships in my life, and have realised that you don't need to be in someones life to love them and wish them happiness. You can love from afar, and still move on healthily and happily whilst focusing on you. I personally think that it's a beautiful thought, and it definitely helps to not allow a break up to break you. 

 Food No Longer Controls My Life

I've put a huge amount of work into recovering from Bulimia and I'll be the first to say that it's been really fucking difficult!! It's taken me the best of the last 6 years to get to where I am now, but I'm finally at a place where I can say that food doesn't control my every day life anymore.

Do I still think about the effects food will have on my body? Do I still have days where all I can think of is what I look like? Yes. But I'm strong enough now to not let those thoughts have a negative impact on my life as a whole, which is actually a bit mad. Books like Eat Up! by Ruby Tandoh have been a huge help in getting me here, going back to the roots of food and the simplicity of it all. I'd definitely recommend giving it a read if an eating disorder/disordered eating is something you struggle with. 

Small Talk Is One Of The Things I Hate Most In This World

I honestly don't think I've ever experienced anything more mind-numbingly boring than small talk. I don't understand how people do it. Unless a conversation interests me and feeds my soul or makes me laugh, I don't want to be a part of it...I just don't have the time. 

Now this doesn't mean that I want all conversations to revolve around the meaning of the world and why we're here; it just means don't text me "what you saying?" every few months out of the blue or try to discuss the weather with me in my Instagram DM's. Who's got the time?

My Solace Lies In My Solitude

The pursuit of happiness is often portrayed as finding happiness in someone else. All I have to say on this subject is that as long as you're happy within yourself and as long as you're doing you, you're doing great. The peace and happiness you're searching for is inside you and always has been, so stop searching for it in other people and focus on finding it in yourself instead. It's already there, all you need to do is open yourself up to the possibility that you're the only person you need to create happiness within yourself.  

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Jumper (Similar) || ASOS

Trainers || ASOS

Leggings || ASOS

If I'm Acting Different, I Caught On.

Mixed signals are not 'mysterious', and uncertainty is a breeding ground for insecurity - this is something I've become aware of very recently. 

We become insecure when things stop adding up; when something doesn't feel quite right. At the beginning of a new relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, people can often come across as 'mysterious' or 'coy' during the first few interactions, as you're essentially working each other out and getting to know the person you've chosen to spend time with. 

However, there's a very fine line between mystery and manipulation. 

If those mixed signals continue for a while, whilst the relationship is progressing, you are dealing with someone who is trying to manipulate you by creating a sense of uncertainty around the relationship in which you're about to endeavour. 

    

Creating uncertainty is a form of manipulation, because that's what allows somebody to control you. Feeling uncertain around a person means that you're always looking to seek answers from them which, in turn, makes you want to live up to their expectations and earn their validation. 

If someone is sending you mixed signals and has been for an extended period of time, I'm here to say that I don't think they're very interested in you. 

I know, it's hard to hear and it's hard to digest. You probably won't agree, because you have a "connection". You've seen sides to this person that nobody else ever has, and when you're together it feels "right". I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. I've been in that position before. 

Allow me to ease you into an explanation that will help you see what you've been unwilling to see so far. Just think about this for a moment: this person you're talking to/are in a relationship with/have a complicated history of interactions with, has relationships outside of their relationship with you. 

Right? 

Whether those are romantic relationships or platonic relationships - this person has managed to maintain some form of relationship throughout their life.

This goes to show that if this person cares, they are willing to make enough effort with people in their lives to create long, lasting relationships. So why are they not doing the same for you?

If someone is interested in you, you will be very aware. They will be attentive, they'll listen to what you have to say, they'll answer your questions and they will make room for you. Simply put; it will feel healthy.

We are accountable for what we make room for, so maybe it's time to start thinking about how much space you're willing to give someone who hasn't given up any for you.

6 Little Things That Are Making Me Happy

Family

Family has always been extremely important to me, but sometimes I've felt like I've neglected spending time with my loved ones enough. It's so important to surround yourself with people who love and support you, and spending time with my family makes me happy every day. 

Making New Friends

At the start of this year, I decided that 2018 was the year for me to focus on growth and stepping outside of my comfort zone. A huge part of that for me was getting out into the world and creating new relationships with people. I've always found making friends difficult because I'm such an introverted person, but I knew it was time to find people who were on the same journey as I am. Over the past few months I've made some wonderful new friends who I've felt I've known for years, and I'm so excited to see how these friendships progress.

Reading Everything I Know About Love

My friend Lauren mentioned this book to me a couple of weeks ago and I bought it straight away. You know those books that are just completely relevant to your life at that moment? That's the feeling I got when I started to read this book. It'll make you laugh and make you cry, it'll make you reminisce about the days you used to spend on MSN to your first fumbling sexual experience, and all the time in between. I love reading this on a Sunday morning, snuggled up in bed with a cup of coffee. You can buy it here.

Trying New Things and Taking Chances

I never used to want to step out of my comfort zone because I feared rejection and didn't want to go through the embarrassment of failing, however this year that has completely changed.  

Fluffy Socks

Sometimes, it's the little things...

A few weeks ago I decided to invest in some new pairs of fluffy socks. It's still freezing in the UK and I'm one of the biggest complainers when it comes to cold weather, so in my opinion you can never have too many pairs of snuggle socks! I got a pair in purple and a pair in black - I can honestly say they're two of my favourite investments of my year so far. They're super soft, warm, snuggly and also perfect to fit into wellies (if you're partical to a walk in the countryside). Being cosy makes me feel comforted and safe. Shop my new socks here.

Me Time

 I can't stress how important this has been for my recently. I've been going through a bit of a tough time (hence, the lack of posts recently), and I've really needed to be able to focus on myself. A lot of stuff in my life has changed over the past few months and it's taken a lot of time to adjust to how I live my life now. Simple things like scheduling in a solo date to the cinema or taking myself out for a walk, running a bath or lighting a new candle - however small, doing those little things for yourself can make a huge difference to your mental wellbeing and I couldn't recommend it more.

Why A Hoodie Doesn't Have To Be Boring

I absolutely LOVE a good statement piece in an outfit. Something that just stands out and takes the stage. I makes me feel powerful, strong and independent - like I've really got something to show off...something unique. I never used to be one to show off an outfit because I never really felt good in the clothes I wore; mostly because I was dressing for other people rather than for myself. Now, I take so much pleasure in wearing pieces that stand out and make me feel confident. They don't even need to be flattering! As long as I feel comfortable I'm happy.

Over the past few years my style has consistently changed, moving with the times and maturing the older I got. Stepping out of your style comfort zone can be a tricky process for anyone. Taking the reins and 'just doing you' is MUCH easier said than done, but it's a must if you're ever going to feel comfortable in the style you wear. I think that I've finally come to a point in my life where I know what 'my' style is, and I'm enjoying every moment of it.

Now, I'm the kind of person who will happily walk around in a hoodie and a pair of jeans/leggings forever. I find the combination so easy and comfy and it's just an timeless pairing, one that I'll probably stick to forever because you can't really go wrong with a casual outfit like that. It's convenient, it's simple and you really don't have to think too much about it - but lets be honest, the usual combo can get a little bit old sometimes. Why not switch it up with a completely different style of hoodie?

I found this little number on ASOS in the mens section (spoiler, all the best hoodies are in the mens section) and I have been wearing it ever since. In fact, I am sat wearing this exact hoodie as I type this in front of the fire and the telly watching Nigella Lawson. It's the perfect lazy day hoodie, the perfect statement piece and it's one of the comfiest hoodie's I've ever worn! You can buy this jumper here. Go on, treat yourself, it's nearly Christmas...

All photography by Nicole Shola.

Dressing For Herself

I feel like a lot of emphasis is put on what a woman wears. Whether that be in the media or the every day life of a woman of the public, what a woman wears seems to have a huge effect on what society thinks of her. Why? I have no idea. Growing up I've felt a lot of pressure to look a certain way, behave a certain way and to dress a certain way. Recently my reaction to all of this has been...fuck it.

 

Whoever you are, whatever size you are, whatever skin colour you have, whatever gender you identify as - don't allow society to tell you what you can and can't wear. Wear what makes YOU feel comfortable and what makes you happy. Don't restrict yourself for the sake of other people feeling more 'comfortable'. I've spent years of my life conforming to things that are supposedly more 'flattering' for my figure. Not any more.

It's such a liberating thing to wear clothes you love with confidence; without thinking about what other people might feel about the way your body looks in them, because really...what has it got to do with them?

A year or so ago, my first thought when I put on an outfit would be "what will other people think of me in this?" or "how can I change this so it will look more flattering when people see me?" - I was 100% dressing for other people rather than myself because I was so preoccupied with wanting to create a look that would be accepted by both strangers and my friendship group. I would even wear things I didn't like or felt extremely uncomfortable in because I thought it meant that I would fit in more.

What I've learnt from this is that stepping out of your comfort zone and dressing for yourself can actually make you feel more comfortable in who you are.

It takes bravery and confidence, but if I can learn to dress for myself, so can you. 

All photography by Nicole-Shola.

So...What Happens Next?

Today, I thought I'd do a little life-update for you guys. Where I'm at, where I'm planning to go, and what I hope the future holds for me. 

I'll start by saying that this year is absolutely not ending the way I thought it would be, but that's okay. I'm a very organised person, so I like to think that I can plan my life step by step and that everything will automatically go to plan. Oh no, no, no...That has definitely not been the case for me in recent years. Saying that, you would've thought that I'd learnt that I can't control everything in my life by now. 

Apparently not. 

I began my year working part-time in a cafe (I job I adored) that I'd been working in for the past 3 years through school. It was a lovely little job and I enjoyed it until the very end, but in September of this year I decided that I needed a change. I was seeing the same faces every day and I was falling out of love with the work I was doing. It was becoming repetitive and I knew that if I stayed, I might never leave. I quit and decided to move onto something else. At this point I was also beginning my degree at The Open University, studying English Literature and Creative Writing (which I am LOVING). 

I then began another job, but I was beginning to feel extremely sad. I felt like I was just hopping from one part time job to another, and it just wasn't feeding my creativity or benefitting my future. I tried to see if I could face it if I adjusted my hours, but that didn't help at all. I felt down all the time and I was so upset that I couldn't even focus on my studies or the things that I loved, because I was so preoccupied with the things I didn't want to do. Needless to say, I quit that job quite recently. There was nothing wrong with the place itself whatsoever, the people were lovely and the environment was nice. It just wasn't right for me. 

Now, here we are. I decided after quitting that job that I wouldn't apply for anything that didn't feed me creatively or benefit my future. At the moment, my main focus is university (part time) and finding a full time job that really benefits me. One that makes me happy. Life is way to short to spend it doing something that doesn't benefit you or make you happy.

Alongside my studies, I'm contributing to my mum's furniture business which is where my income is coming from currently. I'm writing and shooting for this blog which is where the rest of my effort goes. I'm also planning to start making YouTube videos again because it's something I used to love doing - the only reason I stopped was because I felt embarrassed about what other people thought, but now that I'm in the mindset of 'fuck it', I'mma get back to it. You can subscribe to my Channel here - I'll be uploading twice a week! My first video back will be up on Sunday at 6pm.

The truth is, I'm not where I thought I would be at the beginning of the year. I'm in an even better place because none of it was planned. I am the happiest I've been in years because I'm working for myself (and my mum..), I'm studying a subject I love, I'm investing more time into the people I love and the things I love doing, and I'm really starting to feel like myself again. 

I guess the moral of the story is that things don't have to go to plan for them to be amazing, and life doesn't have to be perfect for it to be wonderful x

All photography by Nicole-Shola.

Body Confidence || What's Not To Love?

Throughout my life, I've struggled a lot with body confidence. I've always felt like I'm 'not thin enough' or 'not toned enough'. 'Not small enough' or 'not slim enough'. Plainly put I've pretty much felt like I'm just 'not quite there'. Always somewhere in the middle. Nothing amazing, nothing spectacular, just sort of...there. 

Something's changed recently, and I can honestly say that I've never felt more confident or comfortable in my own body and my own style than I do now.

Being able to feel confident in your own body is something I feel extremely passionate about, because it's something that I haven't felt in myself for so long. Feeling happy and confident in the way you look, no matter what size, colour or height you are. No matter what disability you have, no matter what mental health issues you struggle with, is SO INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT! If you're looking for a reason to feel good about yourself today (and every day), then this is it. You are beautiful. No matter what you tell yourself, no matter what another person tells you - you are beautiful.

Shop The Look

The Most Incredible Coat HERE

'Just Peachy' Cropped Sweatshirt HERE

Leggings HERE

Nowadays, I can say completely truthfully that the days I feel confident outweigh the days that I don't and that's such a good feeling. Of course, there are still days I don't like the way I look, but I know deep down that I am perfect the way I am. Sometimes it just takes a bit of digging. I did a video a while ago about dealing with bad body image days which I'll link here if you'd like to check it out!

Finally, always be kind to yourself. You are worth so much more than you think. Becoming confident in yourself is a difficult journey but it's entirely possible. I'm rooting for you x 

A Few Things I've Done To Improve My Every Day Life

I couldn't count the amount of times I've heard someone say that they "don't have enough time" for self care.

When it comes to self care, a lot of people automatically think that they need to take the whole day for themselves; that self care is an activity that takes a large amount of time and can ONLY be seen as self care if you have a spa treatment done, then get your nails done, make yourself your favourite meal or order some of your favourite foods and ultimately make the whole day about yourself. Now, don't get me wrong, that IS self care and sometimes you do need to take a day to treat yourself and focus completely on you, but that doesn't mean you can't look after yourself every single day in small ways that will make a difference to your quality of life as a whole. Personal growth can be a long, difficult, sometimes ugly process, so here's a few ways I like to take a bit of time out of every day to always make sure I'm looking after myself. I hope some of these work for you too!

1. Make Your Bed Every Morning

This is a tiny thing I've started doing every single morning. I'm definitely the kind of person who needs to be living in a clean environment for my brain to function properly (A.K.A. If my room is a mess, my head is a mess). My bed is the centrepiece of my room, so if my bed looks messy throughout the day, my whole room looks messy throughout the day and that honestly just stresses me out. Making my bed the moment I get out of it means two things. One: I won't get back into it, which is a definite way of securing the fact that I'll actually do some Uni work that day. Two: It means that my head already feels a lot more clear and I love knowing that I'll be getting back into a freshly made bed that night. 

2. Check In With Friends To See How They Are

I find that when life gets busy, I often forget to check in with how the people in my life are. I get very wrapped up in my commitments and that can be stressful, so just taking a few minutes out of your day or out of your workload for a phone call to your best friend, or sending a quick text to tell them how much they mean to you can make a huge difference to both your mood and their's. Good friends are important and I think that sometimes the value of friendship can get forgotten in the midst of 'adult-ing'. I'm new to this too...

3. Eat Something You Love

Diet culture is bullshit, to say the least. The idea that you shouldn't eat a doughnut/pizza/burger/ice cream without feeling at least a slight sense of guilt afterwards is just an absolute shit-storm and I refuse to buy into it. I've suffered from an eating disorder for years now (shall touch on this a bit more in posts to come), but I'm finally getting to a point I'm happy with. I live a very healthy lifestyle. I go to the gym on a regular basis and I eat wholesome foods, but that's not to say that I don't eat whatever I want. If I want a McDonalds I'll eat a bloody Mcdonalds, and you should do the same! Whether someone eats junk food every day or hardly touches the stuff, nobody should be allowed to comment on another's way of life just because it doesn't fit the standards of their own. You do you and let others do them! It's as simple as that. 

4. Go On More Walks

As I've mentioned before, and as I will probably mention again, the colder months are my FAVOURITES and I love being outside for them. As well as Uni, I've got a part time job. This means that I spend a fair amount of time throughout my every day life inside. I still live at home and do the majority of my University work from there, so if I need a break I find the perfect thing to do is to go on a walk. I've got dogs, so sometimes I'll take them out, but even things like walking around on my lunch break at work helps me to clear my head. You don't need to be surrounded by wonderful scenery to have a nice walk. Of course, it helps, but some of my favourite walks I've been on have been through the streets of my town on my own in complete silence. 

5. Listen To Good Music

Sometimes there's just nothing better than putting your headphones in and blocking out the rest of the world for a few minutes (or hours). Whether you're at the gym, on a walk, laying in bed or listening with friends, music is a remedy and I'll stand by that forever. 

6. Learn Something New About Yourself

I'm almost 20 years old and there are so many things I don't know about myself. Life is a continuous journey of learning new things, and that includes getting to know yourself better! I'm learning what I like, and what I don't. I'm learning my worth and I'm feeling so much better about myself than I ever have, and I genuinely feel like it's so important for you to take some time out of every day to notice new things about yourself.

Shop The Look

Jumper HERE

Jeans (similar) HERE

Trainers HERE

So there we have it! 6 things I've done to improve my every day life. They've worked for me so hopefully they'll work for you, let me know if you try adding any of these little things into your days x