If I'm Acting Different, I Caught On.

Mixed signals are not 'mysterious', and uncertainty is a breeding ground for insecurity - this is something I've become aware of very recently. 

We become insecure when things stop adding up; when something doesn't feel quite right. At the beginning of a new relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, people can often come across as 'mysterious' or 'coy' during the first few interactions, as you're essentially working each other out and getting to know the person you've chosen to spend time with. 

However, there's a very fine line between mystery and manipulation. 

If those mixed signals continue for a while, whilst the relationship is progressing, you are dealing with someone who is trying to manipulate you by creating a sense of uncertainty around the relationship in which you're about to endeavour. 

    

Creating uncertainty is a form of manipulation, because that's what allows somebody to control you. Feeling uncertain around a person means that you're always looking to seek answers from them which, in turn, makes you want to live up to their expectations and earn their validation. 

If someone is sending you mixed signals and has been for an extended period of time, I'm here to say that I don't think they're very interested in you. 

I know, it's hard to hear and it's hard to digest. You probably won't agree, because you have a "connection". You've seen sides to this person that nobody else ever has, and when you're together it feels "right". I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. I've been in that position before. 

Allow me to ease you into an explanation that will help you see what you've been unwilling to see so far. Just think about this for a moment: this person you're talking to/are in a relationship with/have a complicated history of interactions with, has relationships outside of their relationship with you. 

Right? 

Whether those are romantic relationships or platonic relationships - this person has managed to maintain some form of relationship throughout their life.

This goes to show that if this person cares, they are willing to make enough effort with people in their lives to create long, lasting relationships. So why are they not doing the same for you?

If someone is interested in you, you will be very aware. They will be attentive, they'll listen to what you have to say, they'll answer your questions and they will make room for you. Simply put; it will feel healthy.

We are accountable for what we make room for, so maybe it's time to start thinking about how much space you're willing to give someone who hasn't given up any for you.